The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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