they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize