Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize