All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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