at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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