I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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