I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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