just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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