you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize