He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize