help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize