New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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