Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize