I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize