There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
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When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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