so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either way he was missing a nipple.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize