I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
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I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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