You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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