ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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