Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
zippers are such a cool invention
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
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A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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