I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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