so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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