I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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