I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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