when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize