I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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