I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
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I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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