I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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