I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
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I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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