Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize