So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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