I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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