I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
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how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sext me about skeletons
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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