i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize