so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
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The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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