I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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