Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
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No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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