Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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