After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize