i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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