i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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