Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize