I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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