I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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