i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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