A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize