I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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