Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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