he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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