You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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